Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of 50 pence.

Murphy said, "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all." Murphy replied, "Don't worry -- just follow me." He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson whisky.

Shamus said, "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!"Murphy replied with a smile, "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!"They downed their drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.

"The barman noticed them, went berserk and threw them out. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk all for free.

At the tenth pub, Shamus said, "Murphy, I don't think I can do any more o'this. Me knees are killin' me!"

Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub."

FBI ordering Pizza

FBI agents conducted a raid of a San Diego psychiatric hospital that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping the hospital.

Agent: "Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda."

Pizza Man: "And where would you like them delivered?"

Agent: "We're over at the psychiatric hospital."

Pizza Man: "To the psychiatric hospital?"

Agent: "That's right. I'm an FBI agent."

Pizza Man: "You're an FBI agent?"

Agent: "That's correct. Just about everybody here is."

Pizza Man: "And you're at the psychiatric hospital?"

Agent: "That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas."

Pizza Man: "And you say you're all FBI agents?"

Agent: "That's right. How soon can you have them here?"

Pizza Man: "And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI Agent?"

Agent: "That's right. We've been here all day, and we're starving."

Pizza Man: "How are you going to pay for all of this?"

Agent: "I have my checkbook right here."

Pizza Man: "And you're all FBI agents?"

Agent: "That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked."

Pizza Man: "I don't think so."[Click]