Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of 50 pence.
Murphy said, "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all." Murphy replied, "Don't worry -- just follow me." He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson whisky.
Shamus said, "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!"Murphy replied with a smile, "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!"They downed their drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.
"The barman noticed them, went berserk and threw them out. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk all for free.
At the tenth pub, Shamus said, "Murphy, I don't think I can do any more o'this. Me knees are killin' me!"
Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub."
FBI ordering Pizza
FBI agents conducted a raid of a San Diego psychiatric hospital that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping the hospital.
Agent: "Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda."
Pizza Man: "And where would you like them delivered?"
Agent: "We're over at the psychiatric hospital."
Pizza Man: "To the psychiatric hospital?"
Agent: "That's right. I'm an FBI agent."
Pizza Man: "You're an FBI agent?"
Agent: "That's correct. Just about everybody here is."
Pizza Man: "And you're at the psychiatric hospital?"
Agent: "That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas."
Pizza Man: "And you say you're all FBI agents?"
Agent: "That's right. How soon can you have them here?"
Pizza Man: "And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI Agent?"
Agent: "That's right. We've been here all day, and we're starving."
Pizza Man: "How are you going to pay for all of this?"
Agent: "I have my checkbook right here."
Pizza Man: "And you're all FBI agents?"
Agent: "That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked."
Pizza Man: "I don't think so."[Click]
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Jokes...
Email:
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans.
So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: May 9th, 2005
I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers herenow and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was
.P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
sexual prisoner attack
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As heruns away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and gunsbut only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed andties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed he gets on top of her,kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there,the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probablyspent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw howhe kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just dowhat he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous,if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey.
I love you, too."
My Funeral
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
any idiots in the room???
If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic lecturer.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the lecturer with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
I would do anything to pass
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans.
So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: May 9th, 2005
I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers herenow and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was
.P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
sexual prisoner attack
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As heruns away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and gunsbut only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed andties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed he gets on top of her,kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there,the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probablyspent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw howhe kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just dowhat he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous,if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey.
I love you, too."
My Funeral
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
any idiots in the room???
If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic lecturer.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the lecturer with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
I would do anything to pass
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?
Brain Teaser...
This is a tough little brain teaser. Its in another language but the idea is simple. There are two photos and the object is to try to find the difference in the two photos as fast as possible. They claim a certified genius should be able to find it within the first 15 seconds. It took me almost 3 minutes and only one of my friend solved it in under 15 seconds. Be honest and let us know your time if you beat
http://www.break.com/games/twophotos2.html
http://www.break.com/games/twophotos2.html
AVT Tournament Day 9(Final Day)
Last day of tournament...
Started wif 7 chips...
Played wif Amos...
Tot can win...
bet 5 chips...
Lost...
Left 2...
Last round played against Shi Fu...
Rescue cat...
My kapos cannot win them...
My match against burn deck yesterday...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7yL_Ou900w&feature=channel
Started wif 7 chips...
Played wif Amos...
Tot can win...
bet 5 chips...
Lost...
Left 2...
Last round played against Shi Fu...
Rescue cat...
My kapos cannot win them...
My match against burn deck yesterday...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7yL_Ou900w&feature=channel
Saturday, March 28, 2009
AVT Tournament Day 8
Today = Day eight of tournament...
It will be = to the final battle day 1...
Tmr will be the final battle finale...
Today restarted paying $2...
Wif 2 chips...
My first match is against my bro...
I almost lost...
But,of course la...
I won...
Now...
4 chips...
Match 2...
Played against a burn deck...
My "kapos" won...
Apparently because of my level being too low for him to do anything...
now...
5 chips...
Match 3...
Played a guy using Zombie...
Erm...okay okay...
I won...
Now...
6 chips...
My last match for the day...
Played against my bro again...
This time more intense...
A lot of turns is just to draw...
And end turn...
I somehow managed to win...
Now...
7 chips...
Now for the guy who like monarchs...
U wan me to look for more pics of the monarchs rite?
Link is...
http://images.google.com.sg/images?um=1&q=monarch+yugioh&sa=N&start=36&ndsp=18
Next time if u wan monarch images...
go wikia or google search la...
So lazy...
The previous Frog user = Ero sanin...
Current frog user = Naruto...
Next = Konohamaru???
It will be = to the final battle day 1...
Tmr will be the final battle finale...
Today restarted paying $2...
Wif 2 chips...
My first match is against my bro...
I almost lost...
But,of course la...
I won...
Now...
4 chips...
Match 2...
Played against a burn deck...
My "kapos" won...
Apparently because of my level being too low for him to do anything...
now...
5 chips...
Match 3...
Played a guy using Zombie...
Erm...okay okay...
I won...
Now...
6 chips...
My last match for the day...
Played against my bro again...
This time more intense...
A lot of turns is just to draw...
And end turn...
I somehow managed to win...
Now...
7 chips...
Now for the guy who like monarchs...
U wan me to look for more pics of the monarchs rite?
Link is...
http://images.google.com.sg/images?um=1&q=monarch+yugioh&sa=N&start=36&ndsp=18
Next time if u wan monarch images...
go wikia or google search la...
So lazy...
The previous Frog user = Ero sanin...
Current frog user = Naruto...
Next = Konohamaru???
Friday, March 27, 2009
Three women eating ice-cream
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you...
There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it.
Which one is married?"The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
Heart Specialist Funeral
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral.
A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
Costume Party
A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in which all attendees were required to wear a mask.
The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure to say hello to her family.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.
As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate time in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
"Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life."
More jokes could be found in http://www.sgclub.com/ ...
Will be posting more jokes...
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you...
There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it.
Which one is married?"The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
Heart Specialist Funeral
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral.
A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
Costume Party
A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in which all attendees were required to wear a mask.
The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure to say hello to her family.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.
As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate time in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
"Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life."
More jokes could be found in http://www.sgclub.com/ ...
Will be posting more jokes...
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The one who abandoned the froggies...
Im sure u r reading this post now...
Ya u...
The one using Soul Exchange and keeps targeting...
Nothing to post...
Nothing to post...
So lets talk abt u...
U used froggies...
emperors(mornach)...
Dragons...
And now?
wat do u wanna use?
The final battle is coming...
We two hav not settlted down on our decks yet...
The kage wans to bring out his ultimate weapon...
I tot he say he "retired Admiral"?
Our population so scarse that he had to get back into battle field again...
Erm...for those who are lost...
This is abt Yu-Gi-Oh...
The one who ABANDONED the froggies...
Does this card looks familiar?
Or
This is more familiar?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
