Jokes...

Email:

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans.
So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: May 9th, 2005

I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers herenow and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was

.P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

sexual prisoner attack

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As heruns away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and gunsbut only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed andties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed he gets on top of her,kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there,the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probablyspent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw howhe kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just dowhat he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous,if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey.

I love you, too."

My Funeral

A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.

When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"

"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.

"What's so funny about that?"

"I'm a gynecologist."

any idiots in the room???

If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic lecturer.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the lecturer with a sneer.

“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

I would do anything to pass

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?