Joke no. 1:

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball."
Man- "That's nice."
Boy- "Want to buy it?"
Man- "No, thanks."
Boy- "My dad's outside."
Man- "OK, how much?"
Boy- "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy- "Dark in here."
Man- "Yes, it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy- "$750."
Man- "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that again."

Joke no. 2:

There was a man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured.
But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both his ears.
As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his appearance.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company.
It had always been his dream to run his own business, so he decided that with all this money he had, he now had the means to start a business.
After purchasing a small, but expanding computer firm, he realised that he had no business knowledge at all, and would have to hire someone to run the business.
He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them.

The first interview went really well.
He really liked this guy.
His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears."
The man got really upset and threw the guy out.

The second interview went even better than the first.
This candidate was much better than the first.
Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The guy also answered, "Yes, you have no ears."
The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out.
Finally, he had the third interview.
The third candidate was the best out of all of them.
Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The guy replied, "Yeah, I bet you are wearing contact lenses."
Surprised, the man then asked, "Wow! That's quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?"
The guy burst out laughing and said,"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!"