Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of 50 pence.
Murphy said, "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all." Murphy replied, "Don't worry -- just follow me." He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson whisky.
Shamus said, "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!"Murphy replied with a smile, "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!"They downed their drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.
"The barman noticed them, went berserk and threw them out. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk all for free.
At the tenth pub, Shamus said, "Murphy, I don't think I can do any more o'this. Me knees are killin' me!"
Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub."
FBI ordering Pizza
FBI agents conducted a raid of a San Diego psychiatric hospital that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping the hospital.
Agent: "Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda."
Pizza Man: "And where would you like them delivered?"
Agent: "We're over at the psychiatric hospital."
Pizza Man: "To the psychiatric hospital?"
Agent: "That's right. I'm an FBI agent."
Pizza Man: "You're an FBI agent?"
Agent: "That's correct. Just about everybody here is."
Pizza Man: "And you're at the psychiatric hospital?"
Agent: "That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas."
Pizza Man: "And you say you're all FBI agents?"
Agent: "That's right. How soon can you have them here?"
Pizza Man: "And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI Agent?"
Agent: "That's right. We've been here all day, and we're starving."
Pizza Man: "How are you going to pay for all of this?"
Agent: "I have my checkbook right here."
Pizza Man: "And you're all FBI agents?"
Agent: "That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked."
Pizza Man: "I don't think so."[Click]
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Jokes...
Email:
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans.
So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: May 9th, 2005
I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers herenow and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was
.P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
sexual prisoner attack
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As heruns away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and gunsbut only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed andties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed he gets on top of her,kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there,the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probablyspent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw howhe kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just dowhat he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous,if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey.
I love you, too."
My Funeral
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
any idiots in the room???
If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic lecturer.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the lecturer with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
I would do anything to pass
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans.
So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: May 9th, 2005
I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers herenow and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was
.P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
sexual prisoner attack
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As heruns away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and gunsbut only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed andties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed he gets on top of her,kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there,the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probablyspent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw howhe kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just dowhat he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous,if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey.
I love you, too."
My Funeral
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
any idiots in the room???
If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic lecturer.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the lecturer with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
I would do anything to pass
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?
Brain Teaser...
This is a tough little brain teaser. Its in another language but the idea is simple. There are two photos and the object is to try to find the difference in the two photos as fast as possible. They claim a certified genius should be able to find it within the first 15 seconds. It took me almost 3 minutes and only one of my friend solved it in under 15 seconds. Be honest and let us know your time if you beat
http://www.break.com/games/twophotos2.html
http://www.break.com/games/twophotos2.html
AVT Tournament Day 9(Final Day)
Last day of tournament...
Started wif 7 chips...
Played wif Amos...
Tot can win...
bet 5 chips...
Lost...
Left 2...
Last round played against Shi Fu...
Rescue cat...
My kapos cannot win them...
My match against burn deck yesterday...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7yL_Ou900w&feature=channel
Started wif 7 chips...
Played wif Amos...
Tot can win...
bet 5 chips...
Lost...
Left 2...
Last round played against Shi Fu...
Rescue cat...
My kapos cannot win them...
My match against burn deck yesterday...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7yL_Ou900w&feature=channel
Saturday, March 28, 2009
AVT Tournament Day 8
Today = Day eight of tournament...
It will be = to the final battle day 1...
Tmr will be the final battle finale...
Today restarted paying $2...
Wif 2 chips...
My first match is against my bro...
I almost lost...
But,of course la...
I won...
Now...
4 chips...
Match 2...
Played against a burn deck...
My "kapos" won...
Apparently because of my level being too low for him to do anything...
now...
5 chips...
Match 3...
Played a guy using Zombie...
Erm...okay okay...
I won...
Now...
6 chips...
My last match for the day...
Played against my bro again...
This time more intense...
A lot of turns is just to draw...
And end turn...
I somehow managed to win...
Now...
7 chips...
Now for the guy who like monarchs...
U wan me to look for more pics of the monarchs rite?
Link is...
http://images.google.com.sg/images?um=1&q=monarch+yugioh&sa=N&start=36&ndsp=18
Next time if u wan monarch images...
go wikia or google search la...
So lazy...
The previous Frog user = Ero sanin...
Current frog user = Naruto...
Next = Konohamaru???
It will be = to the final battle day 1...
Tmr will be the final battle finale...
Today restarted paying $2...
Wif 2 chips...
My first match is against my bro...
I almost lost...
But,of course la...
I won...
Now...
4 chips...
Match 2...
Played against a burn deck...
My "kapos" won...
Apparently because of my level being too low for him to do anything...
now...
5 chips...
Match 3...
Played a guy using Zombie...
Erm...okay okay...
I won...
Now...
6 chips...
My last match for the day...
Played against my bro again...
This time more intense...
A lot of turns is just to draw...
And end turn...
I somehow managed to win...
Now...
7 chips...
Now for the guy who like monarchs...
U wan me to look for more pics of the monarchs rite?
Link is...
http://images.google.com.sg/images?um=1&q=monarch+yugioh&sa=N&start=36&ndsp=18
Next time if u wan monarch images...
go wikia or google search la...
So lazy...
The previous Frog user = Ero sanin...
Current frog user = Naruto...
Next = Konohamaru???
Friday, March 27, 2009
Three women eating ice-cream
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you...
There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it.
Which one is married?"The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
Heart Specialist Funeral
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral.
A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
Costume Party
A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in which all attendees were required to wear a mask.
The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure to say hello to her family.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.
As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate time in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
"Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life."
More jokes could be found in http://www.sgclub.com/ ...
Will be posting more jokes...
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you...
There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it.
Which one is married?"The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
Heart Specialist Funeral
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral.
A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
Costume Party
A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in which all attendees were required to wear a mask.
The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure to say hello to her family.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.
As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate time in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
"Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life."
More jokes could be found in http://www.sgclub.com/ ...
Will be posting more jokes...
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The one who abandoned the froggies...
Im sure u r reading this post now...
Ya u...
The one using Soul Exchange and keeps targeting...
Nothing to post...
Nothing to post...
So lets talk abt u...
U used froggies...
emperors(mornach)...
Dragons...
And now?
wat do u wanna use?
The final battle is coming...
We two hav not settlted down on our decks yet...
The kage wans to bring out his ultimate weapon...
I tot he say he "retired Admiral"?
Our population so scarse that he had to get back into battle field again...
Erm...for those who are lost...
This is abt Yu-Gi-Oh...
The one who ABANDONED the froggies...
Does this card looks familiar?
Or
This is more familiar?
Sunday, March 22, 2009
AVT Tournament Day 7(21/3/09)
Did not post day 6 as i did not play much that day...
Nothing to say abt it...
Day 7...
Started wif 2 chips...
fought with Clarence Foo...
Used a Fish + D.A.D deck...
well...
Too strong an opponent...
LOST...
My Frogs not listening to me...
All just come out randomly...
All that I need then never come out...
Left wif 1 chip...
Fought against i guy called Eric...
I thought he would be an easy target...
But he turns out to be a Counter Fairy Guy...
LOST...
Every move I make...
He counter...
Spell Speed 3 somemore...
NO more chips...
For the rest of the games...
i did not play...
Just judge...
Need to improve on my Froggies...
The previous Owner of the frog deck...
Abandoned them...
I took over the deck...
Something like Jiraiya dead...
Then,Naruto come back revenge...
Is the Tournament using our S-rank mission?
Well...
I dunno...
It all depends on the Azurekage...
Nothing to say abt it...
Day 7...
Started wif 2 chips...
fought with Clarence Foo...
Used a Fish + D.A.D deck...
well...
Too strong an opponent...
LOST...
My Frogs not listening to me...
All just come out randomly...
All that I need then never come out...
Left wif 1 chip...
Fought against i guy called Eric...
I thought he would be an easy target...
But he turns out to be a Counter Fairy Guy...
LOST...
Every move I make...
He counter...
Spell Speed 3 somemore...
NO more chips...
For the rest of the games...
i did not play...
Just judge...
Need to improve on my Froggies...
The previous Owner of the frog deck...
Abandoned them...
I took over the deck...
Something like Jiraiya dead...
Then,Naruto come back revenge...
Is the Tournament using our S-rank mission?
Well...
I dunno...
It all depends on the Azurekage...
Sunday, March 15, 2009
AVT tournament Day 5
Yesterday,tuornament day 5...
i lost like siao...
Now all the BF decks can defeat me le...
i think i change deck for a while...
Luck might change...
Argh...Deck Ideas...
Why did i lose all the time now?
I guess u need to get stronger...
I need to get stronger in order to WIN!!
Willpower of the Vongola will not be gone so easily...
I will let my flame of dying will light up again...
IN order to win the BF decks...
Will not give up...
Will fight till the end...
i lost like siao...
Now all the BF decks can defeat me le...
i think i change deck for a while...
Luck might change...
Argh...Deck Ideas...
Why did i lose all the time now?
I guess u need to get stronger...
I need to get stronger in order to WIN!!
Willpower of the Vongola will not be gone so easily...
I will let my flame of dying will light up again...
IN order to win the BF decks...
Will not give up...
Will fight till the end...
Monday, March 9, 2009
AVT Tournament Day 4
yesterday had no time to post abt the tournament...
Well i joined the game at around 3pm(the third slot of the day )...
started with 1 chip...
Played against Amos & lost...
Restarted and now regained to 2 chips...
For the last time slot...
I faced Off with Alex Yeo...
One of the top player in Khatib...
Bet 2 chips(show hand)...
I lost...
BF deck...
Used the Simorgh deck...
But did not get the chance to lock him...
Now go back to 0 chips...
Need to see if i can join this saturday...
Deck not ready!!!
Need to find the cards in a week...
WTH!!!
My revenge on xxxx is coming...
For calling my key card USELESS!!!
I will show u its lock...
Well i joined the game at around 3pm(the third slot of the day )...
started with 1 chip...
Played against Amos & lost...
Restarted and now regained to 2 chips...
For the last time slot...
I faced Off with Alex Yeo...
One of the top player in Khatib...
Bet 2 chips(show hand)...
I lost...
BF deck...
Used the Simorgh deck...
But did not get the chance to lock him...
Now go back to 0 chips...
Need to see if i can join this saturday...
Deck not ready!!!
Need to find the cards in a week...
WTH!!!
My revenge on xxxx is coming...
For calling my key card USELESS!!!
I will show u its lock...
Saturday, March 7, 2009
AVT Tournament Day 3
Day 3!
Started with 2 chips today...
But lose all...
So,had to restart by paying $2...
After i restart,played wif Jeff...
Bet 1 chip...
Lost to his undead Synchro(Zombie Synchro)...
But after losing to him,won another guy and got back to 2 chips again...
Last match,played wif AzureDark...
Lost!!!
but nvm...
own team...
Wanted to play wif no.36 but did not get the chance...
I remember SOMEONE saying my cards useless!!!
I need to gain the honour of my cards...
For more details...
Visit azure.dailyforum.net for more info...
Started with 2 chips today...
But lose all...
So,had to restart by paying $2...
After i restart,played wif Jeff...
Bet 1 chip...
Lost to his undead Synchro(Zombie Synchro)...
But after losing to him,won another guy and got back to 2 chips again...
Last match,played wif AzureDark...
Lost!!!
but nvm...
own team...
Wanted to play wif no.36 but did not get the chance...
I remember SOMEONE saying my cards useless!!!
I need to gain the honour of my cards...
For more details...
Visit azure.dailyforum.net for more info...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Joke no. 1:
A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball."
Man- "That's nice."
Boy- "Want to buy it?"
Man- "No, thanks."
Boy- "My dad's outside."
Man- "OK, how much?"
Boy- "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy- "Dark in here."
Man- "Yes, it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy- "$750."
Man- "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that again."
Joke no. 2:
There was a man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured.
But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both his ears.
As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his appearance.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company.
It had always been his dream to run his own business, so he decided that with all this money he had, he now had the means to start a business.
After purchasing a small, but expanding computer firm, he realised that he had no business knowledge at all, and would have to hire someone to run the business.
He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them.
The first interview went really well.
He really liked this guy.
His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears."
The man got really upset and threw the guy out.
The second interview went even better than the first.
This candidate was much better than the first.
Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The guy also answered, "Yes, you have no ears."
The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out.
Finally, he had the third interview.
The third candidate was the best out of all of them.
Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The guy replied, "Yeah, I bet you are wearing contact lenses."
Surprised, the man then asked, "Wow! That's quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?"
The guy burst out laughing and said,"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!"
A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball."
Man- "That's nice."
Boy- "Want to buy it?"
Man- "No, thanks."
Boy- "My dad's outside."
Man- "OK, how much?"
Boy- "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy- "Dark in here."
Man- "Yes, it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy- "$750."
Man- "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that again."
Joke no. 2:
There was a man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured.
But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both his ears.
As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his appearance.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company.
It had always been his dream to run his own business, so he decided that with all this money he had, he now had the means to start a business.
After purchasing a small, but expanding computer firm, he realised that he had no business knowledge at all, and would have to hire someone to run the business.
He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them.
The first interview went really well.
He really liked this guy.
His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears."
The man got really upset and threw the guy out.
The second interview went even better than the first.
This candidate was much better than the first.
Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The guy also answered, "Yes, you have no ears."
The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out.
Finally, he had the third interview.
The third candidate was the best out of all of them.
Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The guy replied, "Yeah, I bet you are wearing contact lenses."
Surprised, the man then asked, "Wow! That's quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?"
The guy burst out laughing and said,"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!"
Meaning of Names (Jokes)
Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)
Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)
Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)
Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)
Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)
Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)
Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)
Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)
Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)
Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)
Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)
Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)
Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)
Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)
Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)
Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)
Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)
Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)
Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)
Never give your children this type of names ever.
If your name is stated here, pardon me. =\
Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)
Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)
Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)
Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)
Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)
Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)
Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)
Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)
Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)
Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)
Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)
Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)
Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)
Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)
Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)
Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)
Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)
Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)
Never give your children this type of names ever.
If your name is stated here, pardon me. =\
Monday, March 2, 2009
AVT Tournament Day 2
yesterday was the second day of AVT Tournament...
i started off wif 3 chips but ended having 2 chips left...
could only go for three sessions yesterday...
had to rush from Bishan Herb Garden for the tournament...
Wow...
Saw the top players from Khatib...
But did not get a chance to duel them...
Quite sad...
But i think they would join in next week's time slots...
i started off wif 3 chips but ended having 2 chips left...
could only go for three sessions yesterday...
had to rush from Bishan Herb Garden for the tournament...
Wow...
Saw the top players from Khatib...
But did not get a chance to duel them...
Quite sad...
But i think they would join in next week's time slots...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
